Loneliness: Do You Need Others Or a Deeper Connection to You?

Often, I hear from clients, during separation and divorce, that they are lonely.
Loneliness, as most of us know, comes from a feeling that we are missing something or that we are disconnected. In separation and divorce, or even when trying to repair a broken relationship, this feeling might arise. However, if we keep digging, we might discover that loneliness is simply what we are feeling most of the time and only discover it when others aren’t around to distract us from it. Another person didn’t actually cause the loneliness, they didn’t fix it but rather simply distracted us from it for some period of time. What, then, is loneliness, really?

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Often, loneliness is a disconnection from your authentic self. In order to feel connection to another person, you first need to feel a connection with your authentic self. This will allow you to connect in a healthy way with someone else.
So, what should we all do when loneliness strikes, whether we are in a relationship or not? Ask yourself some questions:

• When did I first feel lonely?
• What triggers my feelings of loneliness?
• How to I respond to my feelings of loneliness?
• What works to curb the feelings of loneliness? What doesn’t work?
• What am I craving from connection with another person?
• Am I seeking connection to avoid feelings within myself? Have I examined what those might be?
• If my loneliness has more to do with me, what action can I take, right now, to feel more connected with my wants and needs?

This isn’t an easy exercise. It can take time and some real soul searching to figure out your own answers. Take one step each day to see if you can ease some of your feelings of loneliness on your own rather than in connection to another.

• Do This: Really Meet Your Own Needs.

It sounds simple but may not be easy. Don’t expect to solve feelings of loneliness quickly. But, if you can take the time to explore what is making you lonely, that is, what disconnect you may have from your own needs, you are more likely to assuage feelings of loneliness when you do connect to others. Separation and divorce, or even repair of broken relationships can certainly bring on feelings of loneliness. Before you decide to reach out to someone else to make yourself whole, reach within instead.
For more tips and individual coaching work, on this topic and many others, reach out to Cherie now: cherie@deardivorcecoach.com