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Dear Divorce Coach: I Need Help! Can You Help Me?


When we first contemplate divorce, or are surprised by the news that our spouse wants one, how do we feel? Sad, angry, confused
, betrayed, overwhelmed…the list goes on and on.
Our experiences as divorce coaches, and women who have experienced divorce ourselves, tell us that it does not matter if you are male or female, or the person leaving the relationship or the person being left, there is extreme overwhelm.  Knowing this, how is anyone supposed to make good decisions at such a difficult time? The truth is that most people cannot—at least initially.

Often, in times of difficulty we first turn to those we know and love to help us. Of course, this can be a good thing. However, when dealing with divorce, the results can be mixed. Sometimes, well-meaning relatives, friends and even acquaintances can offer advice that speaks to them but not at all to our individual circumstances or us. Their input may, unintentionally, set up a dynamic with a STBX (soon to be ex) that may not serve us very well in the long run. Friends and family are likely fiercely protective of you and angry, whatever the cause, with your spouse. This may, in turn, trigger an upset in your home with children who recognize only that conflict exists.
It may surprise you to hear that some people in our lives, even close relatives, may be able to offer no support at all. They may, intentionally or not, create bad feelings within us that are confusing and stressful.  You may even find yourself very much alone. So, how can you cope in this terrible moment?
How do you take steps to move forward and make all of the decisions required? A divorce coach can be an invaluable ally at this critical juncture serving as your objective thinking partner who will help you create a mindset to deal with all of the difficult decisions you must face.
Certainly, you may not know all that you need right now but a divorce coach can help. From selecting a legal professional who is right for you to helping you create a parenting plan that’s specific to the needs of you and your family, the Divorce Coach will help you organize (both your thoughts and your financials), plan for your future and guide you through the divorce process and beyond. Most importantly, while doing all of this, your Divorce Coach will help you remember who you are and who you want to be after this life transition. The other professionals in your life, including your lawyer, will likely be thrilled there is someone to “hold your hand” and help organize your life and your mind for this very difficult and stressful process. You can (and will) save time and money with a divorce coach by your side.
A divorce coach often works with a client, first, to understand their goals and needs and make a plan for taking action steps in line with who they are and who they want to be in this process. In addition, the coach will help clients plan strategy so that the divorce agreement is a thoughtful document that allows the parties to dissolve their current relationship and perhaps build a new co-parenting one. A divorce coach can start you on the path to financial independence by helping plan your budget and/or recommending financial advisors who are a good fit for you.
The divorce agreement is, in fact, a contract and a divorce coach can help a client examine all of the various elements so that it is one that serves the interest of the client and any children both now and in the years to come. As a thinking partner, the divorce coach helps the client fully understand the terms of the agreement which he or she will be signing as this contract will contain all of the details pertaining to the children, asset division and support. The divorce coach may help you organize your thoughts and concerns so that you may have specific, prepared questions for your lawyer or other legal professional so that you may both work together more efficiently and better understand the process.
The role of a divorce coach is valuable prior to an actual separation, during the divorce, and post-divorce if any issues arise or as the client adjusts to new situations.  Your divorce coach is there for you at each stage and will continue to provide the support you want and need. It is important to acknowledge yourself during divorce and hiring a divorce coach may be one of the best decisions you make for yourself as well as your family.
From a thriving client:
I can say that coaching has made a significant difference in how I have tried to move forward from my Divorce.  It has not always been easy, nor has it always been a happy experience, but Cherie’s approach and willingness to listen and suggest different strategies has made moving forward possible.  That is something I never imagined being possible before.  Much more than simple suggestions, her practical approach and action oriented strategies through establishing a partnership with the client has been of great value to me as I work through this process.

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