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Move Forward in Separation and Divorce


What a wonderful life I’ve had! I only wish I’d realized it sooner. – Colette.
It still amazes me how the minutiae of my day can make me notice only the hard parts, as if I am endlessly rowing against the current. If you are experiencing separation and divorce, this repeated pattern may lead you to believe it’s futile to consider joy as part of your daily life. It’s really up to you to decide something else. You are likely experiencing stress in a way that challenges your sense of self and your vision for the future and perhaps the future of your children. So, how do you re-frame and re-joice? Take these three steps each day to re-mind yourself of what is good and whole in yourself and your life.

  • When you awaken, take a brief moment to be grateful. Remind yourself of what is good and working in your life even if that is difficult right now. Are you healthy? Are your kids? Do you have shelter, a job, a pet you love? Remember that no human being, even those with endless resources, has constant joy or happiness. It is a cultivated practice and, like everything in life we want to master, takes effort.
  • As your day begins to climb to chaos or busy-ness, take 30 seconds to remind yourself of why you do what you do. If you find you are engaging in tasks that don’t serve you or your children, begin to think about how to make a change. Jot down, literally, what occurs to you is excess baggage in your life. And tomorrow, don’t do it or modify the task or behavior.
  • As your day winds down, take a few moments to take a brief inventory of your day. What worked and what didn’t? This isn’t an opportunity to berate yourself but rather to assess how you will approach tomorrow, that is, what you may add and what you may leave behind. Remind yourself of what really worked: did you have a smile with your child, did you get some exercise for yourself or have a good chat with a friend? It all counts.

Remember that everyone accomplishes all they do in life one step at a time. You too can have the life you want to live, even after heartbreak and disappointment. Be kind to yourself, take time but take steps. You will be glad you did.


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