3 Reasons Trying to Ruin Your Spouse in Divorce is a Huge Mistake
Yes, you are overwhelmed. Perhaps you even feel victimized by your spouse or clearly justified in leaving. Either way, the focus needs to be your future and that of your children and not what has happened in the past. So many divorce stories focus upon who did what, when and how. This is a natural human response but not one that matters, mostly, in a court of law. And, by the way, you never want to end up in court if you can avoid it. A stranger, briefly reviewing the facts of your situation and deciding how things will proceed, is a terrible and terrifying idea indeed. There are three crucial reasons you better bring your best self to the table now.
- Your Financial Future is At Stake: Do Not Bring Your Emotions To The Negotiating Table: Whatever occurred in the marriage is in the past. It’s what comes next that matters for you! Competent legal counsel can tell you the likely outcome of a division of assets and potential spouse support. Believe them, even if you get a second or third opinion. The laws of community or equitable division of property mean, likely, you will end up with half or something close to it. Even if your spouse wrongly dissipated assets or behaved badly, it is unusual for that to change greatly. Don’t waste your precious money paying lawyers to work out your emotional catharsis over these issues. The legal system was not designed for it and, truly, only the lawyers will benefit. This doesn’t mean, certainly, that you cannot advocate for what you believe you are entitled to get. Just recognize that the more time you spend fighting with your spouse, the fewer assets exist for both of you. If you need help creating the necessary mindset for this, a Divorce Coach is a terrific partner for you each step of the way as they can help you find professionals in every category you need and work with you to calm the overwhelm.
- Your Emotional Health Matters: Seek Support Outside Of Court: You may know that your spouse acted badly in your marriage. You may need therapeutic or coaching support to understand why you made the choice you did to marry them, have children, and trust them. Get it. Don’t use the divorce as a vehicle to try to ruin their lives or believe, wrongly, that the rest of the world needs to know it. When a wronged spouse makes it their mission to ruin the other party, they likely find themselves destroyed in the process. The legal system is designed to create a division of assets and a plan for proceeding with minor children, if any. It isn’t the right venue to fight your emotional battles.
- Your Kids Are Paramount: They Love Both Of Their Parents: Whether your kids are minors or adults, they will likely have a relationship with the other parent. And that is a good thing in most cases. No matter your view of what they did, your children are still part of them. Keeping this fact front and center in your divorce is crucial. Every action you take should be viewed through the lens of how it will impact your children too. Taking the high road, at every step, will save you time, money, and potentially a relationship with your children too.
Knowing what is right and how to do it are very different things, of course. Building the stamina to face adversity and overcome it successfully requires great effort. The alternative, financial and emotional ruin, however, is much worse. You have a choice, always, and can decide to do better.. You can do this, and it’s up to you to decide how things look on the other side for you and your kids.