You are getting a divorce. Perhaps congratulations are in order, or, perhaps not. Whatever your sentiment about the separation and divorce, make no mistake about one single thing: how you behave now and throughout the divorce with your spouse will define much of your life post divorce. And no, it isn’t just for the kids this is true although that is very important. It’s your mindset and focus that matters, right now, even as you likely face huge life change and emotional overwhelm.
So, with your head spinning and your life turned upside down, how can you possibly pay attention to everything that you will need for the rest of your life, right now? The simple answer is that you need to create a mindset that allows you to pay attention to what is important and let the rest go. If you decide, instead, to spend time either justifying your reasons for divorce with friends, family, your spouse and perhaps even the children, you are making a big mistake. Conversely, if you spend time convincing everyone that you are the victim by making certain to “ruin” the reputation of your spouse, you are also wasting valuable energy. Both of these options are not good for you or your children as they take away from your ability to take care of you and them.
Yes, you are overwhelmed. Perhaps you even feel victimized by your spouse or clearly justified in leaving. Either way, the focus needs to be your future and that of your children and not what has happened in the past. So many divorce stories focus upon who did what, when and how. This is a natural human response but not one that matters, mostly, in a court of law. And, by the way, you never want to end up in court if you can avoid it. A stranger, briefly reviewing the facts of your situation and deciding how things will proceed, is a terrible and terrifying idea indeed. There are three crucial reasons you better bring your best self to the table now.
Certified Divorce Coach, Parent Coordinator, Lawyer, Yoga Teacher, Divorced Parent